hindu_marriage : Hindu Marriage Ceremony

Grahastha Ashram (the householder stage), the second of the four stages of life begins when a man and a woman marry and start a household. For a Hindu marriage is the only way to continue the family and thereby repay his debt to his/her ancestors.

In Hindu view, mariage is not a concession to human weakness, but a means for spiritual growth. Man and woman are soul mates who, through the institution of marriage, can direct the energy associated with their individual instincts and passion into the progress of their souls. The marriage ceremony has various stages:

i. Selection of the Couple:

1. In arranged marriages, the bride and bridegroom are generally selected and chosen by parents or the elders. Being experienced and elderly people, they can perhaps better evaluate the merits of the partners. Left on their own, the boy and the girl, being young, can be led to more transitory rather than long lasting and valuable considerations.

2. This system of selection by the parents has been criticized because it has been seen that in many cases, parents seek matches on the basis of superior social status and more wealth which would add to their prestige, rather than compatibility on biological or psychological grounds. It is, therefore highly desirable that the boy and the girl should be consulted and the reasons for the selection of jeevansathi discussed with them.

3. Today the young boys and girls have a deep desire of a perfect marriage. In their would-be jeevansathi, the youngsters want a beautiful face, unmitigated love, devotion and fidelity and also camaraderie and complete self expression. The reality of marriage is not foreseen and when it fails, they put the blame on the parents instead of upon the excessive and naïve demands they make on the marriage.

4. The parents are morally bound to find mates for their children and the children are obliged to accept the parental choice. The marriage among Hindus is considered a union between two families rather than between two young people. However, two considerations are mostly followed-that the mates must be chosen outside the family and must be within the religion/caste. However, western culture has heavily influenced the youngsters and traditional customs are being ignored in the modern age.

ii. The Betrothal:

1. When the selection of the boy for a bridegroom and of the girl for the bride have been investigated and the betrothal decided on, an auspicious day is fixed for its celebration. This should not normally take place in the month of Posh (December), Kartik (October) or Chetna (March), when Venus and Jupiter are on the wane, during the shhradas, annual or general, interrelated months or when the Venus and the Jupiter are in the same rasa. Sundays, Tuesdays and Saturdays are also avoided at times. The ideal time for betrothal is during the following Nakshatras (asterisms): Phalgun (January-February), Bhadrapada (August-September) and June-August.

2. On the appointed day, the boy’s party goes to the girl’s house and the both parties are seated, while Brahmins recite the Mangla Charan (benedictory prayer) and Shri Ganesh is worshipped, kept in a brass dish. Rice is sprinkled on Ganesh and the boy’s party. Sometimes red coloured water is also sprinkled over them. The girl’s guardian (the father, paternal grandfather, brother, one of the same family and lastly the mother) then announces that the girl, is dan (gift) by word of mouth, and this is the essence of the betrothal contract. It is now irrevocable, and there is a very strong feeling against breaking it. When once the promise has passed the lips of the girl’s guardian, it can only be withdrawn under grave circumstances. The a janev (scared thread), fruits, flowers and some clothes are given to the boy by the girl’s guardian. The girl’s Brahmin applies tilak to the boy and his kinsmen. The boy’s parents and kinsmen make gifts to Brahmins and distribute sweets and money amongst them.

3. Among the Hindus betrothal is a contract and is, as a rule, an indispensable preliminary to the marriage of a girl. If a woman, once married, is remarried on account of divorce or widowhood, the ceremonies performed in the first betrothal are not performed so religiously.

4. A promise of marriage (betrothal) cannot be enforced by a suit for specific performance, but a refusal to complete a betrothal or a promise of marriage by an actual marriage would give the injured party a right to recover from the person making the promise, compensation for the loss, if any, sustained by the breach of promise. In case of such breach, a father or guardian, would be entitled to recover money properly spent in contemplation of such marriage. Should the girl die before the marriage, the bridegroom is entitled to recover back the presents given by him to her, subject to paying such expenses as have been incurred.

5. As a rule, among Hindus, priority of betrothal gives the girl a social, though not legal, claim to be married first, that is to be married before the fiance takes another wife. The reason is that in a Hindu household, the first married wife, occupies a more or less privileged position, as against Muslims, where all the four wives are, in the eye of the law at least, absolutely equal.

iii. Pre-Marriage Ceremonies:

1. After betrothal, before a marriage takes place and is given legal effect, certain ceremonies are required to be observed. These ceremonies differ from community to community and from place to place. These ceremonies, sometimes, may look surprising, nevertheless, they are regarded indispensable, as well as highly religious and significant. These are purely social and are meant to increase intimacy between the two families. The boy’s father sends sweets etc. for the girl on festivals. These she returns with some money. Later the boy’s father sends her ornaments; these too are returned with some cash and clothes, only three or four trinklets are retained.

3. Milni Ceremony: A few days before the wedding, on an auspicious day, the milni ceremony is performed. Girl’s people send trays of sweets to the boy’s house. Females do not go with these gifts, only males. They are received by the boy’s relatives, assembled for the purpose. The Milni (to meet) is then performed, the girl’s party standing on one side and the boy’s on the other. The girl’s people present money, ornaments to the boy’s people and Salami (token money) are offered. The counterparts of both sides meet, embrace and offer token money. Nowadays, this ceremony is performed just before the marriage party enters the wedding hall.

4. Ghodi Ceremony (Riding a Mare): Before the marriage party (barat) proceeds to the girl’s house, a mare is sent to the boys house. The bridegroom rides the mare and a small younger brother/ cousin (sarwala) sits behind the bridegroom. The women and relatives in the boy’s house, bless the boy and give him and the younger one money. After this ceremony at the boy’s house is over, the boy, accompanied by relatives and friends (baratis), proceed to the girl’s house singing and dancing to the tunes of the band, under the shade of glittering lights.

5. After the marriage party reaches the bride’s house, the boy dismounts the mare and is led to the inner chambers. The Milni is performed and then the rest of the marriage party sits in the auditorium, where some entertainment and light refreshment are served. A practice, that is being performed now is that the boy, before reaching the inner chambers, exchanges garland with the bride (varmala ceremony).

iv. The marraige Performance:

1. The marriage party goes to the dining hall. The bridegroom in the inner chambers is surrounded by girls and other females of the bride’s house, who jest with him. The girl and her mom and/or dad observe fast, on this day, till the time after Saptapadi (seven steps ceremony). The boy’s side (the bridegroom and his parents) also, sometimes observe fast.

2. When the auspicious moment for the Lagan draws near, the boy goes to the Vedi (the place decorated with banana tree trunks under the open sky) and the marriage ceremony starts. The boy is seated on a wooden seat and by his side, the girl is also seated. On one side of the couple, the parents of the girl sit, opposite the father/ guardian of the boy sit. On the fourth side, the two priests of either side sit. After yajna with recitation of Vedic mantras, a piece of long cloth hanging on the shoulder of the boy, is tethered to a corner of the dupatta (head cover) of the girl. The couple is then made to stand up and they go around the fire seven times (Saptapadi), which includes three steps led by the bride and the other steps by the bridegroom. When the seventh round of the consecrated fire has been taken, the marriage becomes complete and binding under the law. Before the seventh step is taken, marriage is incomplete and may be revoked. Thus the performance of Saptapadi is an essential condition of Hindu marriage (or nuptials) . During the ceremony and before the seven steps, the priest makes the couple take oaths of responsibilities and duties of a husband and wife. Each round (in all seven) consisted of seven steps, the bridegroom saying to the bride: “Take thou one step for the acquirement of force; take thou two steps for strength; take thou three steps for the increase of wealth; take thou four steps for well being; take thou fifth step for offspring; take thou sixth step for the seasons; take thou seventh step as a friend; be faithfully devoted to me; may we obtain many sons; may they attain to a good old age.” Then bringing both their heads into close juxtaposition, someone sprinkles water on them from a jar.

3. The wedding rite having been gone through, the Khat Pujan is next performed. The bride and the bridegroom are seated on a bed with all presents and gifts given to them.

4. The boy is asked by the bride’s kinswomen to recite a Chhanda (couplet), for which he is nominally paid (another zest of the bride’s friends).

5. The couple, led by the bridegroom, to whose long cloth has been tied the headdress corner of the bride, leads out of the house of the bride to the doli (carriage). She is seated inside, often with a little girl, to give her company. The bride, on leaving her house, while meeting her father, mother and other kinsmen starts crying, which is continued, even when she gets seated in the carriage. When the departing procession starts, bride’s kinsmen go for a certain distance, then they return. The Bridegroom’s party with the bride go to their house.

7. The next ceremony is handing over a purse full of money to the bride, and she is at liberty to take as much as she likes. This signifies that the husband entrusts to the care of the wife all his worldly goods. She then promises that she will spend nothing without his knowledge.

8. One of the after-marriage very popular ceremony, observed in all Hindu marriages is Kangana Khelna. In a large dish, milky water, some colour and Durba grass is put. The bride and the bridegroom are made to sit opposite each other, on the sides of the dish. Then both of them are asked to pick out the ring, which is spontaneously thrown in milky water. After a few rounds, the brides opens the knots of the sacred thread tied on the wrist of the bridegroom at the commencement of the wedding ceremonies. This is the last rite of a Hindu marriage.

9. After a stay of few days, the girl returns to her father’s house. The husband visits his father-in-law’s house and returns with his wife. This is called Muqlawa. The grehastha life then continues.

v. Beautification of the Couple:

1. In every part of the world and in all religions, the bride is decorated-beautified-so as to make her attractive. Some races believe that the decoration should be such as should avoid evil eye. In come tribes, it is believed that the bride should look horrible so that the ghosts get frightened, but mostly she is decorated to look beautiful.

2. In India, among the Hindus, the bride is beautified with mehndi (turmeric paste) applied in artistic designs on her hands and alta (red colour) applied on her feet. Black lamp (kajal) is applied on her eyes, a red small disc (bindi) is fixed on her forehead, ear rings are put in her ears, an ornament (nath) is put on her nose. Anklets adore her feet. Before her decoration, she is rubbed with gram dal paste (besan) in oil and then she takes a bath. After a bath, she is decorated with ornaments. She puts on gorgeous fast coloured clothes, usually of red colour and sometimes green. In some, regions, ivory bangles (chooda) is also put on. Around the waist, a girdle of silver or gold is put around, called kandhoni. On the fingers of the feet, small designed silver ornaments, called bichhua are put on. The decoration is such as to cover all exposed parts of the body of the bride. Since old times, she came out with a long drawn head cloth over the face, but in the modern times, this had changed to just cover the head with the face exposed.

3. The decoration of the bridegroom is limited to applying mehndi on his hands and putting on a turban, usually of a light red or pink colour. On the previous day, he is also given a massage with Besan in oil. His near relatives, particularly the father, also put on pink coloured turban. In central India, particularly among the tribes, there is a system of tattooing over the body, as is common among African tribes, but among the tribes in northern India, Bihar or the south, this system does not exist. The bridegroom covers his face with a garland called sehra. His costume is ordinary and simple. His jewellery is a ring or two on the fingers and a gold necklace. Among the royal families, small jewel earnings are put on.

The worlds third largest religion is Hinduism according to Carolyn Mordecai, author of "Weddings Dating and Love Customs of Cultures World Wide Including Royalty".

The Hindu ceremony consists of the priest or brahmin officiating.The bride and groom stand on a decorated wood plank and the priests holds a curtain between them. The bridal party stands behind the bride. The priest chants songs and guest shower rice and other grains over the couple.

The wedding begins when the curtain is removed and garllands of sandlewood chips are placed around the neck of the bride and groom.

The brides father gives her to the groom and then they perform an upliftment of Dharma. there are three Purusharthas: Dharma meaning right conduct, Artha for prosperity and Karma for the enjoyment of legitiment gratification.

The Marriage Symbols:

The bride applies sandlewood paste to the grooms forehead, the groom then applies a red mark on the brides forehead to display for as long as they are married.Then puffed rice and purified butter from the hands of the bride and groom are thrown into the fire.This represents the radiant one. Then the darkness is removed by the priest chanting matras, which are blessings.

Vows:

The vows are made before the fire that represent the diety. The groom vows to always include his wife and consult her. The groom takes his brides hand and leads her around the fire he steps closer to her they walk along where rice is heaped to one side. Holding hands they take the sapta padi. a seven step symbolic journey through life. Around the sacred fire pot they agree to:

Earn a living for their family and respect their abundance

Live a healthy life style for each other

Be concerned for partners welfare

Live together as friends. enjoy happiness and friendship throughout their lives

To eat and drink with each other and be with each other on special occasions

Desire children for whom they will be responsible and love

Adapt to the other persons at any given time and place

The groom recites traditional mantras to the bride. Cotton is tied around the bride and groom while a blessing of a long happy life are given. The bride washes her hands and the bride and groom pray that their prosperity will be fulfilled.

The groom places a floral necklace around his brides neck. this represents love. The bride then accompanies the groom to the Hindu activities. Another wedding necklace of silver or gold with semi-circles and black beads from both families. symbolic of the union of the two families. is also worn.

The Hindu marriage ceremony consists of several steps. The following is a description of this colorful and unique ceremony. This is a generalized wedding ceremony, and there are regional and community variations. Some of the steps may be omitted or added from the following list based on local and family customs.

Pre Marriage :

Mahendi and Peethi

The Marriage Ceremony

Pre Marriage :

Mahendi and PeethiA day before the wedding the palm and feet of the bride are decorated with "Mahendi". A canopy or mandapa decorated with flowers is erected at the place of wedding. On the wedding morning, various ablutionary rituals are performed on both the bride and the groom in their own homes. Their bodies are anointed with turmeric, sandalwood paste and oils, which cleanse the body, soften the skin, and make it aromatic. They are then bathed to the chanting of Vedic mantras. The Marriage CeremonyIn a mandapa - canopy or marriage stage decorated with flowers and with a fire as witness the Hindu Marriage Ceremony begins. It is a long and elaborate ceremony, with every step rooted in vedic tradition, signifying various aspects of live that is to follow after the marriage. Gruhapravesha - Entering the Home The couple depart from the girl’s house after the vidai, for the groom’s house. They carry behind the couple the sacred fire in a vessel. They should keep the re constantly alight. When they reach his house, he says: "Enter with your right foot. Do not remain outside." The bride enters the home placing the right foot - considered auspicious, first. When the bride and the groom enter the groom's house, the mother of the groom welcomes the bride by doing an aarati. They sit in silence until the stars are visible.

The priest in this ceremony need not be formally trained as a Hindu priest. He or she should be familiar with Hindu weddings and comfortable acting as a master of ceremonies, guiding the participants through their parts and explaining the meaning of the service to the audience. It's okay if the priest keeps the script in hand during the ceremony.

Hindu weddings are supposed to take place outside, on the earth, under a canopy known as a mandap. If that's not possible, you can build a mandap inside and pretend you're outdoors. Seating under the mandap can be on the ground (carpets or mats would be a good idea) or on chairs.

Front and center under the mandap is the sacred fire. The fire can be small and confined to a brazier or dish for safety.

The groom's party is supposed to arrive at the wedding spot in a procession, so it's good to have a convenient assembly location nearby.

Props

- Coconut

- Garlands to be exchanged by bride and groom

- Rings to be exchanged by bride and groom

- Wedding necklace (mangalsutra)

- Gift from groom to bride's brother

- Gift from bride's mother to groom

- Sacred fire

- Sacred rope (varamala), tied in a loop large enough to go easily around bride and groom

- Pots of water for washing hands and feet

- Kumkum or red paste applied to forehead

- Rice

- Flowers

Traditionally, the bride wears a red or red and white sari. The sari should be draped modestly over her hair. The groom wears a kafni (long shirt extending to the knees) with pijamo (leggings) or dhoti (sort of an overgrown loincloth). The groom might also wear a turban.

Of course, in an adapted ceremony like this one great liberties can be taken with wardrobe. One rule which shouldn't be broken is that anyone who enters the mandap or wedding canopy must have on sandals or slip-on shoes which can be easily removed (no shoes in the mandap!). In addition, it's a good idea to avoid much black.

One feature of the bride's wardrobe which has become popular abroad is the use of henna or mehndi to decorate her hands and feet. It's said that you can tell how well a new bride is being treated by her in-laws from how long it takes for the mehndi to wear off. Mehndi treatments are increasingly available in salons or you can get mehndi mix at any Indian grocery store for a do-it-yourself job. (But be sure to practice on paper first! Mehndi doesn't wash off.)

- Groom's party walks in a procession to ceremony location. (For extra credit, groom rides on a horse or better yet an elephant!) Groom is received by bride's mother who applies kumkum to his forehead. Groom bows to bride's mother and gives her coconut.

- Bride's parents escort groom and best man to the mandap. Groom's party is seated nearby.

- After groom is in position in the mandap, bride comes out carrying groom's garland, escorted by maternal uncle, optionally preceded by flower girls.

- Priest says: We have come together to wed (bride), daughter of (bride's parents), to (groom), son of (groom's parents). Today they build together the foundation of their marriage upon the earth, in the presence of the sacred fire and the radiant sun, among their family and friends.

- Bride and groom are seated facing one another under the mandap. Chorus sings the slokas: - Invocation to Lord Ganesha: Vignesh varaia varadaia sukhapriyaya.

- Invocation to Saraswati: Yakundendutusharahara dhawala.

- Prayer for harmony: Om sahana vavatu.

- Bride garlands groom. Groom garlands bride.

- Reading #1. - Bride's parents wash bride's and groom's hands and feet, apply kumkum and give flowers. (Bride's mother does this to bride, bride's father to groom.)

- Bride's parents address audience: I, (name), son/daughter of (grandparents' names), approve the wedding of my daughter, (bride's name), to (groom's name).

- Groom says: I, (groom's name), take you, (bride's name), into my heart as my wife. Bride says: I, (bride's name), take you, (groom's name), into my heart as my husband.

- Priest says: A circle is the symbol of the sun and the earth and the universe. It is a symbol of holiness and of perfection and of peace. In these rings it is the symbol of unity, in which your lives are now joined in one unbroken circle, in which, wherever you go, you will always return to one another and to your togetherness. Bride and groom exchange rings.

- The couple, who had been sitting facing one another, now sit down side by side. Bride's father puts bride's hand in groom's.

- Song or musical performance. (Traditionally this is the time to sing a mangalashtak, a poem composed specially for the occasion.)

- Bride cups her hands and places them in groom's cupped hands. Bride's brother puts rice in bride's hands. Together bride and groom pour the mixture into the fire.

- Bride and groom walk around the fire four times, alternating in who leads. Priest says: Om Svaha! With the first turn, we pray for happiness in the union of the couple. Om Svaha! With the second turn, we pray for the long life of the couple. Om Svaha! With the third turn, we pray for the healthy life of the couple. Om Svaha! With the fourth turn, we pray for the happiness and health of the couple.

- The bride and groom sit down. (Here's a fun part: whoever sits down first will be the boss in the marriage!) Groom presents a gift to the bride's brother.

- Priest says: Now is the time to confirm the marriage with the seven final steps. Bride and groom rise and prepare to take seven steps. Priest continues: I ask you, (bride) and (groom), to concentrate upon these seven vows as you take the seven steps: - May the couple be blessed with an abundance of food.

- May the couple be strong and complement one another.

- May the couple be blessed with prosperity.

- May the couple be eternally happy.

- May the couple be blessed with children. Idea: one "blended family" we know of changed this to "May the couple be blessed with obedient children." - May the couple live in perfect harmony.

- May (bride) and (groom) always be the best of friends.

- Optional step to shock the traditional Hindus: bride and groom steal a kiss!

- Reading #2.

- Chorus sings the sloka:

- Blessing for Everlasting Love: Advaitam. .as bride and groom bow to all their seniors in both parties in rough order according to age (eldest first).

- Adjourn to refreshments and photo ops. Mob scene ensues!

Appendix: FAQ for guests at a Hindu wedding

Q: I've been invited to a Hindu wedding. What should I wear?

A: Wear what you would wear to a non-Indian wedding. The only clothing taboo to be aware of is that you must take your shoes off to enter a temple or the wedding canopy, so be prepared to leave them at the door. Do try to make some allowances for comfort -- it's not uncommon for seating to be on the ground, so a tight suit or dress that doesn't let you sit cross-legged might not be the best choice.

Of course, if you're the adventurous type and want to wear traditional Indian clothes, go for it! Very likely there'll be a friend or cousin your size who'd be delighted to loan you some clothes and show you how to wear them. Women guests may even get the chance for an application of henna or mehndi if they're around the day before the wedding. But don't rely on the bride or groom to help you themselves -- they'll be way too busy on the day of the event.

Q: My Hindu friends are getting married. What sort of gift should I give?

A: The traditional gift at an Indian wedding is money. The amount should be an "auspicious" number ending in 1 -- $11, $21, $51, $101, $201, $501, etc. (or similar numbers in rupees, pounds, or what have you). Cash or a check is fine.

However, outside of India most Indian couples understand that giving money is considered tacky and they don't expect it from their non-Indian friends. They've embraced the western tradition of giving housewares as gifts and many couples register at department stores. So the better answer is: give what you would give at a non-Hindu wedding.

I take hold of your hand for good fortune, so that with me, your husband, you may attain to old age. The gods, Bhaga, Aryaman, Savitur and Pushan gave you to me for leading the life of a householder. (Rig Veda X. 85.36)

A marriage blessing

Bounteous Indra, endow this bride with great sons and fortune. Give her ten sons and make the husband the eleventh. (Rig Veda X.85.46)

While Tying the Sacred Thread

O maiden of many auspicious qualities, I tie this sacred thread around your neck for my long life. May you live happily for a hundred years!

Hinduism and Marriage

According to Hinduism, a marriage between two persons is a sacred relationship that is not limited to this life alone. It extends across seven or more lives, during which the couple help each other progress spiritually. The adage that marriages are made in heaven is very much true in case of Hinduism. Two souls come together and marry because their karmas are intertwined and they have to resolve many things together upon earth in order to ensure their mutual salvation.

The relationship between a couple is essentially a relationship of the souls. It is not necessary that their gender roles are fixed for ever. Some times they may switch roles and the husband may become the wife and the wife the husband. Sometimes they may also temporarily part their ways and come together again after one or two lives in a grand reunion.

Marriage in Hinduism is a sacred relationship. Hindu marriage tradition recognizes seven different types of marriage, ranging from the popularly known arranged marriages to the extremely rare and forced marriages through abduction. Generally most of the marriages are arranged with the consent of the bride and the bridegroom and the blessings of the elders. Caste, family background, financial status of the groom, appearance and character of the bride and the bridegroom, the willingness of the parents are some important considerations in  arranged marriages. 

One of the evils of Hindu marriages is the ubiquitous dowry system. The amount of dowry can be a very substantial amount, even in dollar terms, depending upon the financial status of the parties involved. Sometimes greedy mother-in-laws and husbands subject the poor brides to innumerable hardships for not meeting their expectations in respect of the dowry. Cases of bride burning are not unknown. Indian penal code prescribes severe punishment for such acts. But the cases take years and decades before the courts deliver justice.

In arranged marriages the marriage is consummated through elaborate ceremonies presided over by a Vedic priest well versed in Vedic mantras. The marriage date is fixed after consulting the astrological charts and then invitations are sent. Before the marriage date, both the parties spend a lot of time in preparation and exchange of gifts. On the marriage day, the bride and the bridegroom and relations on both sides assemble in a public auditorium or a temple premises and participate in an elaborate ceremony conducted by a priest. The marriage ceremony is generally a lengthy affair. A lot of vedic mantras are chanted during the ceremony, while a band plays on in the back ground. All the guests are entertained with food and beverages. Meat and alcohol are not generally served during such ceremonies, except in some communities.

One of the important ceremonies associated with Hindu marriages is the handing over ceremony (bidai), which bears a lot of sentimental significance for the girl's family. During this ceremony the bride is handed over to the bridegroom and his parents by the brides parents, amidst a display of rare emotions, with a request to look after their daughter for the rest of her life. After this, the bride leaves her parents house permanently to spend the rest of her life in her husband's house.

Hindus accept registered marriages also as a part of the social changes that are sweeping across their society. But many would prefer a traditional marriage for the sake of the sentimental thrill that is associated with them.

A few simple and straight facts about Hindu marriages:

1. Hindus consider marriage as a sacred relationship, between two souls, not just two bodies.

2. Hindus believe that the marriage relationship extends beyond one life.

3. In the traditional marriage, the bride and the bridegroom are considered as divinities. The bride is first married to gods and then placed under the bridegroom's protection as a gift from gods.

5. Hindu marriage tradition recognizes the importance of a woman in the family. She is expected to share the responsibilities of the household like a goddess (grihalakshmi) and enjoy the love and care of her husband and children.

6. According to Hindu marriage Act 1955 passed in India, the eligible age for marriage is 21 years in case of a boy and 18 years in case of a girl. This law has been passed mainly to ban child marriages.